Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
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Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
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The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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