If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
