All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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