Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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