birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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