dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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