I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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