I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
