the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I forget how to act sober
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
