Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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