it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
