i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
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