Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
