I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
