I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
