I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
