I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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