some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize