ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Let's get the cat blown out
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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