I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
