i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Randomize
