It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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