I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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