Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
