Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
