Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
