We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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