My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
