Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
