her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Randomize
