A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
