I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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