I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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