I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
