ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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