Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
