He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize