Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
