Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Slut skills are useful in every country.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
