his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Well I just put wine in my tea
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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