Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize