I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
