We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
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Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
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Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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