Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Randomize
