Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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