Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
