i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
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It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
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We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
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