I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
