so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
