Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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