I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
