yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
