i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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