you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Randomize
