Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
