I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
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I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
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its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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