Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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