dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
