How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
