I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
