I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
The feeling are messing with the penis
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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