my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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