I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
