Your mouth is God's brothel.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
