i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
