Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
