It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
