i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
